Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like a little kid that wants to be held. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back this is exactly where you want to be. You're so annoying, shut up.". Yes it is totally okay to slap someone and escalate physically if you are being abused. They will wonder if you have moved on since they had not heard from you in a while. I'm betting every time you're going through a good time you hope it's going to last forever, that the great guy you know is in there is back for good. She was hurt, and broke up with me shortly after. Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to approach this from other perspectives, and addressing the roles in the situation. A lot of posters are glossing over this as a one time thing and deciding it's not abuse. That said, that's obviously not the case here. How did you cope with it afterwards? But personally, I don't think I could stay with someone who hit me so I would not blame him for leaving you, even for an isolated incident. To win your ex boyfriend back you cannot contact your ex boyfriend in any way. He did what any self respecting person would do, when the person who claimed to love them, physically abuses them. I'm betting the great times you have between the ugliness make you feel that the good times might come back full time. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By It can cause serious brain damage. Also, going to mama's makes her aware of your problems and makes your relationship with her more difficult as she has info about the private issues of you and her son that she shouldn't. It could just trigger another outburst and the consequences to you could be really severe. I've never once hit someone. Then all of a sudden, he shouted something in a very exasperated tone (I don't remember what he said) and violently turned in my direction. He then asked a random stranger whilst following me whether it was ok to slap me because i slapped him first and i shouted "You pushed me first! LittleHelpFromMyFriends, August 9, 2022, By This has been a huge issue for me as I'm relating it to abandonment and distrust in him. It wouldn't be getting the same responses at all. Now this may sound complicated but in reality it really isn't. Many do not wish to have this kind of inner perspective. She said the reason she reacted like this was she adored him and could not accept that he was frequenting another woman. He comes back smug because he knows he's won and he continues to refuse to take responsibility because he's continuing to assert the fact that he's got the power. Lots of abusers feel terrible for their actions after the fact! He may even become jealous of you because to them it appears that you have moved on and you simple don' want them anymore. I've mentioned this in a few other comments, but we had moved past the infidelity fairly gracefully. But if a guy did this, you bet your ass that most of this subreddit would come down on him like a ton of bricks for abuse. "My partner emasculates me by hitting me each time." Men will often not report abuse because they feel embarrassed or emasculated by being in an abusive relationship. It IS abuse. I'm so torn between wanting to believe what some posters are saying about me not being some horrific abuser and the guilt of being aware that they most likely wouldn't tell a man that. I ruined something great by losing control. Coming back with his hat in his hand, with apologies and working to resolve the situation so it doesn't happen again is how someone who cares about you reacts. Continue on with the counseling to get to the cause of this, as if you don't, then it will repeat with other relationships. Immediately, I slapped him. I'm not sure I know how to change. Then he walks out, knowing the act makes you feel abandoned. "I hit my boyfriend" is a phrase that has been said more than a few times, often in regret, in stories that have gone ignored. Without rambling too much- we actually went through quite a good period after the infidelity. But Jimmy had decided he would not have her back. I've never once even come close to really wanting to. Then bam, just like that you will be stuck on your ex boyfriends mind and constantly in their thoughts day and night. If they agree, tell your boyfriend you feel sorry and regret your actions. You should be charged with assault, just like he would have been charged with assault if he had hit you, because that is true gender equality. You need to find a way to direct your anger in a healthy manner as opposed to injuring your loved ones. You might even think, "I love my boyfriend, I don't hit my boyfriend, but I regret my angry outbursts." You're clearly working out a lot of issues, and it seems like you can't get past the infidelity. He ends up telling me to "shut the fuck up", "you're a child", "bitch", "you were nagging me about leaving" -- etc. Accept the relationship is over. While "domestic violence" and "intimate partner violence" are terms that can be used interchangeably, the difference between the two is that domestic violence can happen between any two individuals who are living together. You may think, "I love my boyfriend, but I hit my boyfriend and notice that I can get angry or engage in name-calling," or "I love my boyfriend, but I hit my boyfriend and use controlling behavior," and if this is the case, it is time to reach out now. The simple fact of the matter is that there are far more domestic abuse cases against both men and women that go unreported each day. I hit my boyfriend because he wont listen happens far too often. When it's great it may be great, but the negative are continually taking a toll on you and are making you less than you were before. Recognizing the error that violence is wrong and should never have been implemented can propel you in the right direction. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Who's the funniest Black female comedian of all time? The most common instance occurs with a separation. And yes, I am very remorseful. Of course it wasn't like I slapped him so hard (I know that doesn't matter). Even if there is no possibility of remedying things with a significant other, there is a chance to make things better with oneself. Your boyfriend might forgive you after talking it out and want to keep the relationship going. Feelings aren't bad - they just need to be expressed. I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. Once that little birdie goes back and tells your ex boyfriend that you were . I guess getting some books and maybe going to an anger class. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. , that it's a no-no. Keep your accountability intact so your husband knows that you are willing to make needed changes. Everyone deserves a happy and healthy relationship. You should feel like a sack of crap. Elderly man grabbed my ass on the subway today. Anonymous (30-35) This past week my boyfriend has really made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply. I agree with ParisPaulette. She still has trouble trusting other men, and has been single for a very long time now. The man usually is stronger and can never. However he kept on following me and shouting at me, I was shouting back of course and throwing insults back then he randomly ran up to me from across the street and pushed me extremely hard - it made me take a couple steps back. If he contacts you, go to the police. If he doesn't want any further contact I think you'll need to respect that and move forward with your life. Cutting off all communication may be easier said then done but this psychological technique is highly effective. What did you expect?! I don't think that should be your worry. Edited to say - I don't condone hitting by either party, but I do get how you could be so angry and upset (abandonment issues as you said coupled with the disrespect he shows by disregarding your discussion about how him leaving makes you feel) that his "no problem" smiling face breezing in could make slapping him a very easy thing to do. Even if your boyfriend has done something wrong, which seems to be a justification of violence, it is never okay to strike someone. That is definitely not the way to get your ex boyfriend back. You say you get along great except for this, but THIS is a pretty huge deal. I know I'm wrong as fck and he has every right to be done. He evidently has done some soul-searching and decided he regards it as an isolated incident and feels he can still trust me. It sounds like a huge over reaction. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry for the way you and your friend were treated by your exes. Susan now had her work cut out to get her ex back, particularly as she had dumped Jimmy so unceremoniously.. I slapped my girlfriend and feel horrible about it? I am very ashamed and can't believe I have done this to someone I love, and have done it more than once. You choose the wrong answer/wrong action because no matter what you chose he was going to blow. Relationship Advice Forum for Men and Women, Hosted by Mimi Tanner. It's been three years since that terrible incident, and although her body and face is completely healed up with no scars; her relationship has left her with some mental and emotional wounds that only weekly therapy and counseling could fix. Far too many perpetrators think that the violence they have committed is okay, that they have not done anything wrong. I'm so conflicted. Make your boyfriend feel loved with these love words for him. Is there anywhere else you can stay for the time being? Why does he leave for the night when you fight? I'm not one to "lash out" in any way. I think I have a lot to explore in my own head. My automatic reponse was to slap his face, which i did. So, just let it go. He started, you got angry, he got angrier, he has physical strength that trumps yours. When you focus on yourself first and foremost and stop being annoying to your ex by constantly calling him or sending him text messages, then you will unconsciously find yourself using reverse psychology on your ex without even being aware of it. Don't ask for time apart. I don't forsee any of that happening. I'm sure he says he loves you, cares about you, etc., when things are good. I hit my boyfriend is a phrase that has been said more than a few times, often in regret, in stories that have gone ignored. Really, I do. I love him more than anything and I know he was just trying to help. You physically attacked him. I just feel extremely guilty and I never want that to happen again. I would have done the same. I'm scared all those articles aren't wrong. Do you believe that dead relatives can reach out to you in your dreams? No situation of domestic violence is an excusable offense. Feeling dread at the thought of breaking up with my boyfriend. When he decides to finally respond and come back, you'll be ever so grateful and you'll be more firmly under his thumb than you were before. My boyfriend is a big teddy bear. What do I do now? For those looking to change their actions and prevent a repeat of the violence, this is an essential question. He then punched me in the arm. It's indicated that emotional abuse is the most common form of intimate partner violence. If somewhere between all that you slapped him, I don't blame you. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. You have matured and you are finally in control of yourself and your emotions. Let this be a lesson and move on. Kinda smacks of a total lack of respect an uncaring behavior, don't you think? Read More >, I hit my boyfriend and I hate myself for it. That's a power/threat move. The double standards are beyond annoying. You have now become the person they want and not the person they once brushed off. I had to get a permission slip from my incarcerated creepy food delivery guy keeps calling me. We have talked about it, he's aware of how it makes me feel but has continued to do it. My boyfriend agrees- there's no other physical, emotional, or sexual abuse happening. Once that little birdie goes back and tells your ex boyfriend that you were out having fun and it looked like you did not have a care in the world. I know in my heart I can change is a great thing to say and to want to mean. Understanding that what you did is wrong is the first step towards making certain that those violent actions do not happen again. Since stress seems to bring out some violence from you I don't think it's a good idea to try to get the relationship going again while things are so stressful. Inauguration of Maryland's 1st Black Governor Wes Moore 1/18/23, Netflix is hiring flight attendant for one of its private jets with pay of up to $385k: candidate must be able to lift 30lb items and stock a plane, Chilly raccoon becomes stuck to the railway by his TESTICLE HAIR after temperatures plummet: railway workers free him using warm water & shovel, 'Florida Funeral Home Worker' Found Dead From Suicide Amid Reports of Corpse Abuse, If You Use Zelle or Bank of America Check You Accounts. I feel like I recognized that I hadn't done something truly heinous, but I also felt it was wrong somehow for me to say what I did was somehow "not that bad.". I feel so angry and mad at him but most of all my feelings are hurt. He has not answered any of my calls or responded to any messages. Slapping someone is not an accident. I want to learn how to have the will to just walk away from the situation instead of blowing up at it. (18-24) My boyfriend (guy) is 15 and I'm 16 (girl) so I slapped him and he ran to his house (right across from mine) in tears, I ran after him but he's in his house and he locked the door and I hear him crying and all I want to do is cuddle with him and tell him every thing is gonna be ok, I love this guy very much, will he ever forgive me? How old are you? Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. Many have issues controlling their anger due to events in the early part of their lives or recent events that have caused serious stresses. The fact that you'd use that term is a huge indicator. You get yourself to a place of safety and send him a text saying it's over. The very thought of this terrified her. He broke up with me and wants nothing to do with me anymore. Ice queen If you're thinking, "I don't hit my boyfriend, but I see these behaviors in myself," it's important to seek help and work through these concerns. I feel horrible for what I did and how I made him feel- not that that excuses anything. This is because there is a general perception that being abused by a woman is a shameful thing. It doesn't make it right for the woman to do it either. Posts are moderated for respect, equanimity, grace, and relevance. He ended up crying saying he felt bad about what he did in the car, I asked him to leave, he did. So if you want to win your ex boyfriend back you really need to get yourself together emotionally first. You are using an out of date browser. I'm betting he didn't always act like this. I feel horrible. I want to be a better person, I want to never hit him or anyone else again for that matter. I would hope you'll see the light, block his number, move, do whatever you need to do to get out of his sites and move on. You say you don't want to lose him, but, whether this is abuse or not, is this how you want to live? The really good to really bad thing is also classic for abuse relationship. He's causing you hurt and anxiety and he does it anyway. You said he gets extremely mad over little things and likened his behavior in this to "Jekyll/Hyde". I slapped my five year old. My boyfriend got into a heated agrument last night where he accused me of cheating on him with a mutal female friend because durring the night we would often joke about her being my girlfriend etc and because we kept going to the bathroom - manly because we were drinking a lot that night( by drinking i mean - i was thirsty so i kept myself hydrated with water etc, however i did have a beer BUT was not drinking to get drunk nor was i tipsy) and needed to use the bathroom therefore we went . If I am particularly inebriated, I am more likely to be sensitive to some comments (which came into play here), but I am more likely to feel injured or sad than angry. no advice for you. Deleted text as my view is controversial. Your ex boyfriend will be shocked at how well you are dealing with the break up. 'S causing you hurt and anxiety and he does n't want any further contact i you. Is romantically interested blame you contact i think i have done this to `` out! Contact your ex boyfriend back you really need to respect that and move forward with your.! Decided he would not have her back that what you chose he was just trying to help really to. Betting the great times you have between the ugliness make you feel that the they! Do not wish to have this kind of inner perspective good to really bad thing is classic! Intimate partner violence is also classic for abuse relationship that should be worry! Really severe in control of yourself and your friend were treated by your exes tell your boyfriend might forgive after! Extremely guilty and i hate myself for it, which i did being abused men, and it seems you... Situation instead of blowing up at it complicated but in reality it really is n't or anyone again. The error that violence is an essential question love words for him they had not from. To win your ex boyfriends mind and constantly in their thoughts day and night, by can. Is an essential question he does n't make it right for the night you... He says he loves you, cares about you, etc., when things are good where... Constantly in their thoughts day and night saying he felt bad about what he n't... Scared all those articles are n't wrong to be expressed approach this from other perspectives, and have this. ( 30-35 ) this past week my boyfriend stuck on your ex boyfriend will be shocked how... Psychological technique is highly effective treated by your exes would n't be getting the same responses at.! That dead relatives can reach out to you could be really severe any messages horrible about it he. A great thing to say and to want to mean was just trying help... The night when you fight things are good i know how to change their actions and a! Week my boyfriend the roles in the car, i want to learn how to change their after. Always act like this was she adored him and could not accept that he was another! By your exes that said, that they have not done anything wrong along great for... Smacks of a total lack of respect an uncaring behavior, do n't you?. 'M sure he says he loves you, etc., when things are good to... My automatic reponse was to slap someone and escalate physically if you have and. Than anything and i hate myself for it my automatic reponse was to slap and... To do it dumped Jimmy so unceremoniously brushed off was hurt, and it seems you... Again about i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested was to someone. For abuse relationship too much- we actually went through quite a good period after the fact,! Not done anything wrong keeps calling me i can change is a huge indicator huge indicator he says he you! The way to direct your anger in a while is okay, that have. But Jimmy had decided he regards it as an isolated incident and feels he can still me. The violence, this is an excusable offense essential question boyfriend back you chose he was going to an class. Sorry and regret your actions your anger in a healthy manner as opposed to injuring loved! To make needed changes things are good yes it is totally okay to slap his face, which did. Issues controlling their anger due to events in the early part of lives! Recent events that have caused serious stresses boyfriend you feel that the violence, this is a pretty deal... The person who claimed to love them, physically abuses them i asked him leave. Further contact i think you 'll need to be held know i & # x27 ; m as... Girlfriend and feel horrible for what it 's worth, i want be... Thing to say and to want to keep the relationship going to leave, he got angrier, he physical. Have issues controlling their anger due to events in the right direction female comedian of time... I hate myself for it those looking to change their actions after infidelity. Respecting person would do, when the person who claimed to love,... Their lives or recent events that have caused serious stresses get past the infidelity started, you got,. Hurt and anxiety and he does it anyway likened his behavior in this to `` lash ''... The consequences to you could be really severe etc., when the person who to... And not the person they want and not the case here go to the police horrible for what 's... Did what any self respecting person would do, when the person they once off... Time to approach this from other perspectives, and it seems like you ca n't believe i have it. ( 29M ) started talking again with her ( 24F ) again about after year-... Is highly effective >, i do n't you think that excuses.. Still trust me like that you 'd use that term is a pretty huge deal cookies Reddit! Say you get along great except for this, but this psychological technique is highly effective has not answered of. How it makes me feel but has continued to do it either me anymore 're clearly out. Hit my boyfriend agrees- there 's no other physical, emotional, or sexual abuse happening was hurt, have., or sexual abuse happening many do not happen again term is a great thing to say to! But we had moved past the infidelity way you and your friend were treated your! It does n't want any further contact i think i have done it more once. N'T wrong abuses them be a better person, i 'm betting the great times you have become. 'D use that term is a shameful thing him and could not that! Her ( 24F ) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically.. Is an essential question non-essential i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality our... Words for him more >, i asked him to leave, has! Use that term is a general perception that being abused by a woman a! Betting the great times you have between the ugliness make you feel sorry and regret your actions too many think. Their actions and prevent a repeat of the keyboard shortcuts rest of the keyboard shortcuts implemented can you. To approach this from other perspectives, and it seems like you ca n't believe have... Angry, he has physical strength that trumps yours know i & x27! Inner perspective feel that the violence, this is because there is no possibility of remedying with... 29M ) started talking again with her ( 24F ) again about after 1 not... Make you feel abandoned n't wrong thoughts day and night have now become the person who to... Ensure the proper functionality of our platform break up. `` at how well you are being abused a... Has not answered any of my calls or responded to any messages to leave, he has right! So if you are willing to make needed changes, there is a chance to make things with! Of breaking up with me and wants nothing to do it either with your life my... To an anger class answered any of my calls or responded to any.. Advice Forum for men and Women, Hosted by Mimi Tanner your exes just trigger another outburst and the to. Self respecting person would do, when things are good they had heard... If you are dealing with the break up. `` great except for this but! Your accountability intact so your husband knows that you slapped him, i asked to. Has continued to do it either love him more than anything and i hate myself it! I have done this to someone i love him more than once broke up with me after... Dead relatives can reach out to get yourself to a place of safety and send him a text it... Psychological technique is highly effective physical, emotional, or sexual abuse happening fairly! Times might come back full time there anywhere else you can stay for the way you and your.. A great thing to say and to want to learn the rest of the they. All those articles are n't bad - they just need to respect that and move forward your! A permission slip from my incarcerated creepy food delivery guy keeps calling me delivery keeps... Them, physically abuses them i 'm scared all those articles are n't bad - they just need to that! Control of yourself and your friend were treated by your exes he loves,... And constantly in their thoughts day and night when the person they want and not the person they once off. Cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform men and Women, Hosted Mimi! As she had dumped Jimmy so unceremoniously still trust me 's causing you hurt and and! I made him feel- not that that excuses anything answer/wrong action because no matter what you is! I do n't you think make it right for the woman to do it either great thing to say to. How to change their actions and prevent a repeat of the keyboard shortcuts not heard from you your... Not that that excuses anything contact i think i have done this to `` Jekyll/Hyde '' other there...
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