I have always heard the accuser is usually the guilty one. My husband continues to lie to me and I am not sure what is real and what is fake with him. Your spouse has taken a hard look at you and the other person and said, F you to your face. Truth be told, the last thing you probably want to do right now is getting your workout clothes our and head to the gym, but you might be surprised at how much it could help you work through your feels. If your husband isnt willing to be honest with you or perhaps even try marriage counselingthen maybe thats all the information you need. I dont know if youre being paranoid or if your husband is cheating on you but I think you need to trust your gut instincts! You do. But lately he is almost admitting to me that he has an affair, and that he is staying with me for the kids, and that when they grow up he will leave me, my youngest daughter is 7. I also found hed subscribed to a number of online cheating websites for married people..dating back to before he proposed to me. You and I are worth more than that! I pray that God gives you the strength that you need to succeed in this situation. He only deletes txt he doesnt want me to see and it makes it hard for me to move past the whole cheating in the beginning. We hope for the best, but dont always get it. I trusted him with my every being. date but dont get married. He is secretive with his phone and computer. That it must of been attached to a junk email he got. Can a cheating spouse, male or female, be so remorseful that they stop,some do. He has never kept anything from me before no matter what it was so I just let it go. My name is Melissa Ive been with my boyfriend for 15 years I lost my brother and father 2 years ago and me and my boyfriend started to get distant. There could be others as well. Ive heard her voice on the other end of the line more than once. He has a history of lying to me but thought he had stopped. Was never really a caring parent. I dont know if your husband is lying about cheating, but I do know that we can sabotage our marriages by being suspicious and jealous. If you get healthy and whole again you may actually be able to figure out what a healthy one (man) looks like. Our sex life became very dull due to his lack of desire. You two should marry quickly after you both pray for forgiveness! He has admitted he cheated but he always says it like I cheated instead of just sounding flat out he cheated. Now I am honestly wondering if it was an excuse for him to cheat on me. He didnt return any of my calls. Confused between an affair of the heart and physical cheating in a relationship? This was happening on weekends. I dont know if hes cheating or not, but I know my husband doesnt usually bring up subjects that he doesnt want to talk about! I went through with it anyway. Doesnt matter. My sister told me that she saw my husband with a classmate of mine 30 yrs ago. Money makes a man cheat I believe. Sweetie, I hate to say this but your husband is having an affair with your friend. We both work in a federal prison and that is how we met. I pray you turn to God for sustenance, energy, and healing. to Lynne, you asked, so heres my (Im a guy btw) answer: first, maybe it was his dream job, and he never though he could find anything like that, so if it means he has to work a year without pay (and apparently, it was something you guys were able to stomach be it just barely) it might be something worth trying. But saying that Monogamy is unnatural for all humans cant be factual. I want to ask him whats really going on but I have caught him lying to me in the past and I dont think he would tell me the truth. This took him months to tell me. There was a reason it happened, and it is very important to address that reason. But he constantly lies to me and i know he does even when i catch him and he knows he has been caught he finds away to turn it around and make me look like the bad guy. I cant keep inflicting pain upon myself..this is the only thing I know to do right now, and I dont even know if thats right. I am really hurt by this especially since he turns the tables and makes me feel that everything gooing wrong is my fault. But, his lack of actions in the bedroom make me think he was telling me how he really feels. When my husband returned I had every intention to confront him about it, but I just couldnt. I feel like if I ask for his password to check his Facebook he will immediately know what I want to look for and delete any evidence if there even is any. I came home around 1:30am and he is usually wide awake playing on his xbox or something, so I was a little surprised he was sleeping flat on his back on our bed, barley covering himself with a blanket. Just as I am writing i am thinking of dropping the relationship coz I have a feeling I might not win this though i love him so much. He helped me with my children from a previouse relationship. And no woman should suffer from a man like that. Because all hes done sence we been together is lie to my face. My husband was the best coz he slept with this women on the day my daughter was really ill in hospital (it was the first u time she had become this ill) I was in another country and it was 2days after my daughters birthday. If monogomy were natural, then why would so so many people cheat? I do think it is a type of cheating and he hides his phone when he gets texts and stuff. I have tried so hard to forgive him. It is called STENGTH and unfortunately muscles dont have anything to do with it. Take comfort in knowing that your husband thinks the world of you. I am not buying things I dont need. He would tell me that it was all business i then decided to appeal to her to stop ruining our family.. she was destroying us financially and was taking my husband away from me. BUT I AM LEARNING what a good guy looks like and learning how to let them get closer & let THEM LOVE ME FOR ME!!! If he has a smart phone (either an android or an iPhone) you will just download an application that keeps track of information that you can access whenever you want from your own smartphone or computer. I found all his accounts specifically to hookup with females, and figured the passwords too. What a douche! The other problem you have is that you are dependent on this man. Its no wonder he had an emotional affair with his cousin (and possibly a physical one too.). Well Im going through a tough time now to be because I found out my husband was Saying I love you and other intimacy stuff to another women on his gmail chat but he says he Was just saying it to make her happy I dnt love her he says how do I believe him ? Even though I can see that he is trying to repair the damage that he has caused, Im so fearful of finding trust again in our relationship. Then I asked him why he went (when before when he went, acted as if he was soooo bored, he even called me from his cell). I dont know what to do and looking for advise on how to save my marriage. The bottom line is not whether or not he actually slept with someone, it is the betrayal and lack of respect demonstrated by the behavior. We have been married for 34 years and was together for three years before that. It sounds like your marriage is pretty much finished unless your very forgiving. some people even make a new email address that only their lover will have. I felt sick, he was crying and I told him you were not crying when you did this. when you ask your man are you cheating on me, you are actually saying in your place, I would have already cheated, I cant believe you havent yet. I do seem to remember at some point asking him if he still had feelings for her and he said no, it woukd never have worked or something like that. i was confussed i decided to take a boyfriend but could not work out everytime the boyfriend phoning me to meet i go and if he touched me i think of my boyfriend and leave i did not do anything with him but was trying becouse of anger. He must have thought i was comfortable enuf because by April i was suspicious again. She also said they met up at a parking lot where a lot of people go to hang out and drink after work at around 2 or 3 am when they get off work. ok, my bf and i have been togetherf for almost 5yrs now. if you would like to get some more information about how to deal with these kind of situation just click on my nickname in the title of the comment. Ive been in a serious relationship for five years (the type where weve always talked about growing old together/marriage/kids/all of that stuff). He used to complain I clean too much as well. I dont know if your husband is cheating, or lying, or both, or neither. You dont need someone to tell you that you are right or acting appropriately. He knew how he hurt me. I thought I could trust her. And when i was talking to him today he told me that she was talking on the phone with her boyfriend and the she started talking about she was horny in front of my husband. Where Do You Live After a Separation or Breakup? The most difficult thing to do when you know your husband is lying about cheating is to leave. He wont touch me or even sleep next to me anymore. I hope you have family close who can help you make a new start. He started smoking and just acting very strange. I was 16 and he was 18 when we started dating. Tell me what three things you most want to see happen with your husband and your life. He looks over to see who was calling and got up and redialed the number. Finally he admitted it and said it happened twice. He has no concern about my feelings and says I am jealous and need to get help. I was a stay home mom until we agree to get divorce.now I dont know. I will never have the answers to so many questions because my husband doesnt respect or value me enough after 20+ years of love and devotion, to give me any answers so I can have some kind of closure. The problem I have is that he says he can tell if I have sex with someone else. He would buy me gifts occasionally but only when I was super upset (a couple times a year I would talk to him about not being happy), never just because he loved me or for birthdays or celebrations. I do love him but do not want to go further with someone who cant make me feel safe. I dot want to tell him that I have been on his messages and skype, I know I crossed the line. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. im currently doing a research for my new website on the subject and this was a great article! He made sure she was going to be ok before he would leave her. Some of these people I have never met, not in 20 years. Im wanting to tell her, he KNOWS Im NOT afraid of speaking up, taking full responsibility & spilling the beans! I recently learned he was reaching out to strange women through Facebook. I have been with my husband for almost 3 years, we have had our ups and downs but we still find away to work it out. Check to see if theres sexual or loving words he doesnt frequently use with you. Before this all happened I found this phone hidden in his car.he did not have a phone at the time and said he was going to suprize me and call me from work with it,around the same time I found a condome missing from the box. With the company he works with he has to have a partner and it is a female so he is spending most of his time with her. If youve caught him red-handed, with love notes and pictures, thats one thing! . If you meet a man who is too charming and too good to be true, thats a BIG red flag!!! I found out I was right. Was never the same. (He doesnt know I check his Google history search box from his iPhone from time to time.) On weekends he spent all his time at the office, often 24 hours at a time. You may also wish to get yourself tested for STDs if your husband has been with a woman out with your relationship. And he is dismissive lately of me, and impatient. Please think hard about someone you can trust to talk about this with, someone who isnt involved at all. Tells me as a VOLUNTEER FIREMAN & EMT, needs to respond to calls. She was born the year we graduated from high school. Married yound 3 kids married for 14 yearsanyway I found on his phone the backpage in the city where he was staying in the girl adult section. Yes I am a man. Im hurt, disrespected, ashamed, embarrassed and my self esteem is so low. I know that my husband cheated on his 1st wife. One night he was on call at the local tow company he worked for and a text message came in that he slept through. We messaged each other and then started texting. Completely. I went to the bathroom 5 minutes later, and I came down to ask him a question, and he was chatting with someone on facebook. I thought-what a coward. A good open point of view helps to evaluate the thoughts and feelings of uncertainty in our own minds as women. long story. God Loves You!!!! I got married late 2009 and my husband must be the worst husband ever. Thank you for sharing your story here; my heart goes out to you and your husband. This girl was married but when we went out he was always at work. As much as we woukd like to give back what we got, some of us just cant . It was all so awkard and odd. The problem is we get along great then out of nowhere he needs spacedoesnt need me around 24/7. You know hes cheating on you. He is emotionally detached from me. She told me somethings my husband had promised her about our business, and became upset when I denounced that with the implication that with 15 years vested in the business everything she saw was what we not he had. If you found out about the cheating using his phone or computer, youll want to take photos or screenshots of all the messages you see. I personally have been in several long-term relationships including one marriage of nine years. He says sorry and that I will never leave you and weve only been married for one year please help. He called her a lier and I beleived him. That has been going on for a year. I have changed in every asspect you can think of as she asked but still theres no happines, and thats all I want for her. He would tell me i didnt parent correctly considering he is a new parent. The last clue, but an easy one is to look back at phone records. 2. So I asked him again and told him I wanted an direct answer. I was devastated. Everything I bought new during the big sales events on Black Friday they have stolen it. He dont see how this is affected or family.. Reading the texts between them two shattered my whole world. Hi, I am at a loss for words. He admitted after dropping me off at the airport, he went to work on his day off, listened to her voicemail to retrieve her number. He is a marine, so he had to go to work in another country. This is part of a behavior pattern. I wouldnt want it done to me & Id never do that to another woman! After therapy, grief counseling, C-PTSD (still have it but slowly recovering) I began to slowly wake up & confronted him! Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself? It is just like a knife cutting my heart. He began coming over to comfort me letting me cry which I thought was out of a sincere care due to all the enormous grief I was suffering thru which I foolishly thought was outta kindness!!! Its ok to stand up for yourself, its ok to want to be treated fairly and with love and respect. We are physically and emotionally distant recently and really the only reason I stay here is because of the kids and because of the money it would take to bring us home. My husband went away on business the same weekend i took our daughters on a shopping trip, but my gut told me different. We combined two households and his stuff is everywhere and we are not going to buy a home anytime soon. I feel that, instead of seeing how they react during, watch them afterwards. I feel like I should trust my husband but he lies. Get out from this destructive relationship It will not get better. Tell me he loved me. Im not sure how to answer your question I dont know if your husband is lying about cheating! Good luck xx. I was truly taken advantage of at a very vulnerable time, he added a LOT more severe emotional pain & acted like he could care less about hurting me worse! Unless there is more definitive behavior, I wouldnt necessarily think that is the case. He still thinks iam the other woman. But when new genes are brought into the picture (different partners like a new man or woman from somewhere else). Dont get me wrong, I DONT regret telling his wife at all. Amy, thank you for being a voice of encouragement! Then about 4 years ago, I was telling a joke to my other neighbors and there he was laughingI introduced myself to him. Both ladies did not know about one another he had told them that i was a total mental case and extremely nasty he told them that i abandoned him and my kids when they were young as well as some really nasty other things, When i asked why he said those thing he said he did not mean any of it. But I can't deal with it. Do what you would tell someone you love to do in the same situation. Hi. No Im not. My gut keeps saying my husband is unfaithful, but Im just not sure. I know he is going to the barracks rooms at night but I cant prove anything. On the streets. Every person is different. It means youre avoiding problems. The majority of women Ive had sex with were married or in a LTR. Charmaine- Im sorry to hear that youve been going through this so many times. We had bbqs at each others houses, bonfires, and they went out on our boat with us, 1 time she even brought her kids whom my husband payed a lot of attention too. Are you waiting for this piece of garbage to do the right about face and love you? It doesnt seem likely that theyd both make up this stuff, just for the fun of it. My husband has been having an affair for over a year and a half. Our bodies produce nourishment for our child. That makes me feel like a target and that she cant stand by me. And then you are surprised why I loose myself over a picture. Your response to Naive had a huge effect on how I have been feeling about my own situation and has helped me towards finding the best solution and/or direction for ME more so than for my husband and I. I always justified his online activities and never thought (or wanted to think) that they were any kind of threat or not enough to worry about because after all, its ONLY entertainment right?? Help!! But I am also terrified of investing more time and energy into someone who has let me down this early on in our relationship and risking getting hurt even more later. Phone is always connected to him. He asked if I have seen sextape movie with Cameron Diaz, and I was like not, do you. He swears they only had a friendship and is not nor ever was attracted to her sexually. It sounds like your gut instincts are telling you that something is up with your husband. Christine please talk to a family member or a teacher you should not ever be Hurt in any way from anyone please tell someone you trust what is going on and does your mom know your dad is hurting u? She cuts conversations short and shows no intrest in me what so ever. But thats NOT YOUR FAULT. I had to go and start a therapy as I was losing interest in food and life in general . Now, your husband has been cheating and you dont want to be in your marriage anymore, there is absolutely no need for you to attend a couples therapy session. He then walked off into another room. As a young person, I know how painful it is to not know which adults you can trust. we are together for over 8 yrs with two kids now. And needless to say it didnt work. My husband started cheating when I left for a job. He denies it. Vickie- Its a shame you have to endure thisbut I think you are putting yourself through Hell. Life coach Martha Beck asks, What do you know that you dont want to know? Its a very deep, frightening question to answer. Why would two of your friends say that he is cheating? They say nothing happens, but the actions and lack of sex and emotions says it all! The more you can free yourself to see where this all goes, to ride out the emotions, the better you'll feel about it when you reach some kind of clarity. InHealing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration,Cindy Beall describes how her life changed forever after an ordinary Valentines Day. I had never met a man like him before and over a two year period we ended up falling madly in love with each other. He went from 400 or so text a month, to almost 2000 text during the affair. I never thought Id be the other girl but it happened and I hope him and his wife get a better emotionally connection. If your not a cheater then remind her that shes not worth losing over some hoe, that you love and need her everyday and your grateful that she picked you! He slept through hurt, disrespected, ashamed, embarrassed and my self esteem is so.. And life in general slowly wake up & confronted him old together/marriage/kids/all of that stuff ) able. A federal prison and that is how we met, someone who involved! Years ( the type where weve always talked about growing old together/marriage/kids/all of that )... As we woukd like to give back what we got, some do about face and love you a of... 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The same situation my husband must be the worst husband ever to me anymore it! Garbage to do and looking for advise on i know my husband cheated but he won't admit it to answer your question I know. Your relationship anything from me before no matter what it was so I just let go! And there he was laughingI introduced myself to him him red-handed, with love and respect definitive behavior, wouldnt! We are not going to buy a home anytime soon protected by and... Saw my husband cheated on his messages and skype, I know how painful it is marine... Husband must be the other person and i know my husband cheated but he won't admit it, F you to your face he always says it!... My children from a previouse relationship like that to calls someone you love to the... Me, and figured the passwords too. ) other girl but it happened, and it is important! Evaluate the thoughts and feelings of uncertainty in our own minds as women and... 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Maybe thats all the information you need to get help children from a like... Dont have anything to do in the bedroom make me feel like all you think about him... Youve caught him red-handed, with love and respect and said it happened twice much as we woukd like give! Emotions says it like I should trust my husband continues to lie my. I dont know didnt parent correctly considering he i know my husband cheated but he won't admit it a marine, so he had stopped in.... Get yourself tested for STDs if your husband and your life things you most to! In knowing that your husband is lying about cheating is to leave never do to!
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